What even?

So, I promised not to disappear again. But you can't stop the inevitable. A world of things, responsibilities, work, people, things to do, things to take care of. I could say I was busy, I could say I was lazy, I could say I was distracted; but there's no clear answer. Slipping out of it, just wasn't here anymore.

My exams just ended yesterday, but that's not what motivated me to come back. I wanted to write. To revive this space I had created where I could write, whatever I wanted, however I wanted. To express again, to write about feelings and life. In all this, I realised how much chaos life really is.

People live surrounded by a plethora of thoughts, things to do, things to take care of. They live surrounded by everything in the world, trying to figure out what to do, trying to take time for themselves, time for the future, time for their brain, their heart, their lives and time to live. But still prioritising time for work so that they can have time to live. Yet, the work takes up all their time to live, so their living is their work. Where's the time for everything else?

People take up people's time. Friends, colleagues, family, love. Understanding them, being likeable while still remaining true to yourself. It's all a big mess but it all somehow seems organised. I guess that's the power of the human brain.

But when you really think about it, what even is life? What is "work"? What's a responsibility? What if you don't do your work, don't fulfill your responsibilities? There will be consequences. But what if I ignore those consequences? It makes me see how intangible everything is. Really interesting when you think about it. Our emotions and attachment work in so many different ways too.

People keep putting off responsibilities and forget about them and move on, but we can't forget people and let them go. People procrastinate on all work, but when they want someone to be there, they must do it immediately. Forgetting about something we wanted to do, and never doing it. Leaving it hanging. It's really unsettling to me.

Everything in life can wait, but if everything can wait, then what are you focusing on? Ask anyone; there'll be no answer.

At the end of the day, we're all living in an incomprehensible world, juggling emotions, feelings, urges, fear, everything. We're all learning to figure it all out.

I had to juggle a ton of emotions to come back to this blog and write this out, to reply to the messages in my inbox, to explore this website again. I wondered what all this is for and what will become of it in the future. It's... scary and uncertain, but I just won't be thinking about the future right now and will just use this as a place to write. And I hope it can stay that way. It's a thought that gives me peace in what this is and I like that, it feels good.

So at the end of the day, emotions and life are weird. And confusing. And weird.